I see London, I see France

Sweetheart, if you have to walk down the street holding your skirt down in the front and the back because it just skims the bottom of your privates maybe it’s a wee bit too short don’t you think?

Oh wait a minute, if you did have the occasional thought, you wouldn’t be wearing that belt/skirt.

 

Walk this way

Look sista, I was on the right side of the aisle which is consistant with the way we drive. I am not the one trying to pass in a no passing zone. I’m the one putting stuff in my cart. Why not ask the “Steak Marinade” to not stand in the way,  instead of getting all pissy with the Pasta Girl. I hope some of Newman’s Old spills all over your smexy pants.

 

No tattoo for you

I think tattoos and piercings are two of the last bastions of prejudice and nerd rage.

I overheard one moderately tattoed lady complain to who I have to assume is her heavily tattooed husband after purchasing a wide assortment of tattoo magazines that it’s unfair that just anyone can get a tattoo nowadays.

I will admit there are some people out there who get a tat more for fashion than meaning but really shouldn’t she be complaining that some tattooists are just inking anyone instead of being more selective with their clientele?

 

Just because you look doesn’t mean you see

Co-worker showing another co-worker a website.

“Come see this,”

“Oh! Is that GraphJam? I love that site! I go there everyday. I discovered it last fall. A friend of mine sends me pictures from Icanhazcheeseburger all the time,”

“Well, this one is from last week. You didn’t see this one,”

What part of every day do you not understand?

 

let the books hit the floor

When I turned into the aisle the books were on the floor, but to watch you step over them, not even around but over trying to make it look like you didn’t notice them, because it’s not your problem or it’s the duty of whatever clerk happens to walk by, infuriates me to no end.

Scared you we going to break a precious fingernail? That your tiny lil waist might snap in half if bent over? Scared someone might think you’re a human being?

Yeah, glare back at me as I glare at your snobbishly upturned snout.

 

Where’s your yoga zen?

I’m meeting up with the boyfriend downtown. I have to take 2 buses to get there.

The first bus arrived at a major terminal stop. Scarily enough the bus driver decided to follow the schedule and wait until its departure came up before leaving the terminal.

Three older ladies sitting in the middle of the bus became agitated that the bus wasn’t moving and the driver decided to stretch her legs a bit. One of the ladies, with brown/orange/blonde hair (she was at least in her late 40s trying desperately to hold on to her late 20s) got up from her seat and started to berate the driver for not leaving because she needed to be somewhere.

And why didn’t you get an earlier bus?

The bus driver was very polite and professional and explained to the lady that her bus was running on time and she can’t leave this stop for another 5 minutes because that is what the schedule says and she was following the schedule. The orange hair was not happy about this and continued to accuse the driver of being lazy and that all drivers/buses are late, no one was coming so why not just leave?

You could cut the tension in the air on the bus with a knife when we got underway to the next terminal stop. Orange Hair got up from her seat, grabbed her yoga bag, and forced her way to the front of the bus beyond the yellow line that’s there to protect the driver as well as the passengers. The bus was still 4 lengths away from the stop when she tried to force open the front door.

How I wanted the driver to come to a sudden stop.

Orange hair continued to verbally harass the driver while trying to escape the bus. Oh my gawd, you ignorant selfish cow! You need more than yoga to find your zen.

 

That’s not why

I did not get out of the front row seat so you could sit your jailbait ass down. I got up so the lady of advanced age could sit there, you under-dressed trollop.

 

Oink Oink Oink

Just because I work in retail does not make me a lower form of life. I have a great deal more intelligence and patience because I have to deal with the general public.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again and again and again if I must. Just because tidying up is in my job description does not give you license to be so goddamned fucking lazy.

The next time you walk into a store think of it as walking into someone’s house. You wouldn’t leave your friend’s place a shitstorm. Don’t do it to the person who is trying to help you find that oh so special gift for your mother/sister/brother/father/wife/husband/partner.

I swear to God, you all are a bunch of runting pigs when you leave your homes/works. It may be our job, Jeebus H Christmas, if you got shat on as much as retailers at your job you’d want to take flamethrower to everything too.

 

Walk this way

Look sista, I was on the right side of the aisle which is consistant with the way we drive. I can safely say I am not on going the wrong way since I am standing in one spot. I am not the one trying to pass in a no passing zone. I’m the one putting stuff in my cart. Why not ask the “Steak Marinade” to not stand in the way instead of getting all pissy with the Pasta Girl? I hope some of Newman’s Old spills on your crisp white pants.

 

Raised in a barn

I am hardly a tidy person but when I’m at work I try to stay as organized as possible. I’ve worked in retail establishments before so when I see other customers just outright being sloppy I want to whack them about the head with a broom or a rolled up newspaper.

The sales staff at a store are there to help you find the thing you’re looking for, the thing you don’t know you’re looking for or a reasonable substitute. While cleaning up after people is part of their duties that is not the primary item on their to do list. Helping customers is what they are supposed to do that’s why they are called sales staff not janitorial staff.

So please for the love of all things holy put the item back on the shelf where you found it when you are done molesting it. When you are finished sniffing, touching, licking (okay maybe you should just not to that) the 25 magazines you have stacked beside you while you wait for your S/O to be done in hardware or clothing, could you be so bold as to put on the rack instead of leaving them in a mishapen pyramid in the corner. And yes, men are just as bad as women when it comes to doing that so I’ve witnessed. I have also noticed though that men are more likely to put the magazines back than women.

Seriously, what the hell is up with you crafters? The quilting, cardmaking, cross-stitching, knitting section is always the worst for people just piling crap everywhere. I would think y’all would be the most anal of the bunch.

Seriously, put the shit back!